it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
