Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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