i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
