So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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