Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
