im six kinds of drunk right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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