Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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