well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
