I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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