Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
