it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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