dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
