Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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