grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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