i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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