I'm drive I can fine osifer
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
