why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
