grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
