she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
