let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
