i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
