allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
