He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
