yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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