If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
