I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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