I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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