You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
