i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
