it was like eating out sand paper
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
