The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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