if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were trust falling into bushes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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