I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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