your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
