I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
