I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
