"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
