Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
