there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
