When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
