I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
