booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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