ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I will be naked everywhere
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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