Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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