yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
