i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
