I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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