i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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