I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
