dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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